My jokes

I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

They said: "Because I lost my parents."

I said: "Let's find them."

They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

What happens when you search nudes on my phone?

Nothing, I don't have any.

"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."

Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

My face.

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.

Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.

Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

I would too if my name was Braille.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.

And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha

My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.

Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!