My jokes

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

Dwarfism is a growing problem.

Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.

He jumped off a curb stone.

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.

My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.

The police: Pull over!

The kid: Do you know who my dad is?

The police: What, your mom did not tell you?

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!

My pits are hairy, but my I can carry.

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.

Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!