My jokes

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

Why was I angry on my plane? Because I read these stupid 9/11 jokes.

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."

Help! I got my brother pregnant.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.

I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

My classmates?

"UwU my balls says mommy."

"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"

Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!

My grandfather killed Hitler.

Get it? Get it?

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!

@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.