My jokes

My boat is super fast, so I named it Usain.

Usain Boat.

What is smaller than my dick?

Nothing.

I had an Alzheimer's joke, but something's fogging up my mind.

I like my women how I like my bacon.

Well Dunn!!!

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

Help! I got my brother pregnant.

I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Sister.

Sister who?

My sister's ass.

One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.

It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.