My jokes

What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.

There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"

"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.

"I want to be a hunter."

"Why?" the other babies ask.

"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.

My name is Gunter.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

What's brown and hurts your teeth? A chocolate? No. A baseball bat in my hands.

What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"

My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

Why was it wrong to throw my Chinese friend down the stairs?

My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.

What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?

A quack head!

My mom must be a duck then...

School Rizz:

You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.

My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.