My jokes

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

"CoComelon meme,

No matter how fast I run, I can't escape my problems - OULEH...

Nobody loves me .v."

My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.

My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

Dwarfism is a growing problem.

Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.

He jumped off a curb stone.

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.

Sonic Boom in my ass.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.