My jokes

I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.

It showed a picture of myself.

Why can't my grandma talk?

Because she's dead.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!

They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.

Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.

Fortnite battle pass, I just shit out my ass. The school: You did what?

You wonder where my dad is.

Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!

Me in the middle of the night boiling water.

Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?

My brother: How?

Me: You boil the hell out of it.

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.

Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.

Look at my name and you'll see.

Yo mama is so ugly, when I took a picture of her, my phone screen cracked.

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

I'm the joke 😈😈😈 HAHHAHAAHHAHA Delilah my kitten meow meow to the woof woof.

Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

Her: Eat my ass!

Me: Yes, chef!

My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."