My jokes
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage...
"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"
Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?
His internet connection ran out.
If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!
Stormtrooper: My lord, what should we do with all this beef?
Palpatine: Stew it.
So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.
My happiness.
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
Like and comment if you will be my friend!
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?
My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.
My love for you is like poop.
Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.