My jokes

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?

Dad: Because she was made there.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"

Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

"What was your first impression on him?"

"I told him, she calls me daddy too."

I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

My grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology." I said, "We will see about that," and I unplugged his life support.

To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

"I told my black friend a joke. I told him he needs to lighten up!"

I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"