My jokes

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?

Dad: Because she was made there.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

"What was your first impression on him?"

"I told him, she calls me daddy too."

I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

My grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology." I said, "We will see about that," and I unplugged his life support.

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.

Rules of Dark humor:

1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

- Sincerely, Zane

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

Call me Willma, will my balls fit ya mouth?