My jokes

"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"

There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.

At least Stephen Hawking does something.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.

Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.

"Ching Chong ling long suck my ding dong."

I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"

She started crying.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.

So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”

The principal's office smells nice.

My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

My favorite species is a cheetah because

Ima cheet-ah on the test.

I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."