My jokes

My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"

My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.

I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.

During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.

Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.

My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter. It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.

My wife complained about me being childish. So I told her to get out of my fort.

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago, but she didn't tell me what it was... Anyways, I'm turning 14 next month.

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.