My jokes

I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

Classroom: *visible panic*

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.

My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.

Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?

I was in the mood for some dark meat, so I called my black friend.

My dad went out for milk. It's been 15 years and I still have to eat my cereal dry.