My jokes

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

My hair strainer is hotter than you.

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

Classroom: *visible panic*

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.

The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"

Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.