My jokes

Daughter

    • Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

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    • Food

    • There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.

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    • Restaurant

    • We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

    I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

    Lego

    • I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

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    • Daughter

    • Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."

    Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"

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    • Funeral

    • My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

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    • Dad

    • My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

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