My jokes

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

Josh: Tell me something funny.

Mark: My life.

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

My friend had no school because of heavy snow.

Guess you could say it was a snow school day!

My sex life.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

My life is such an udder disappointment. What an udder failure!

My abortion.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.

I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!

My class is my house is quite. I suck a dick, now one cares.

Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?

Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

My will to live.

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.

Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.

I gave my friends some buttons.

Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.