My jokes

I like my cigars like I like my women:

Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.

I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.

In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!

My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!

My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.

At least now I can have his phone he left.

Come on guys, please let's play Roblox. My name is xX_robloxGamer420Po_Xx.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"

"Let's play Roblox! My name is xX_RobloxGamer420Pro_xX."

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a sports car in my garage.

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starts, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus, you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"

I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.

"Who am I?"