My name is Gunter.
My Jokes
I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.
Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
My family is like treasure. I need a map and shovel to find them.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My life.
My life who?
My life is depressing...
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
My cock, lmao.
My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
Last night I slipped on a banana.
My friend said it was a-peeling!
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
