My jokes
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"
Man: What's up?
Me: I'm annoyed.
Man: Why?
Me: I stole my gf's heart.
Man: So why are you annoyed?
Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.
Peter: "Hi Jack."
Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"
Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"
Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"
Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
I suck my dick.
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
A hot woman called "Jessie" was showering when the phone rang.
Jessie was upset because the phone wouldn't stop ringing, and she goes out naked from the bathroom to answer the phone in the hall.
Jessie on the phone: 《Hello? 》
The one on the phone: 《Oh hi, I'm Jeff, I just wanted to tell you don't go out from your bathroom naked next time because my brother is behind you right now trying to rape you.》
Jessie: 《Stop it my sister! This is the 10th time you do this cringe joke! It gets boring!》
But sadly it wasn't a joke, and she cried a lot that night and learned how not to go out naked from the bathroom again.
My entire existence.