New My Jokes - Page 278 - Worst Jokes Ever

My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!

"What's 9 + 10?"

"21" (lol XD)

Also:

"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)

One more thing:

Ninja has ligma.

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

Hi, my name's Dixy.

Dixy Normis.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.

"Igma is my balls."

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

My name is Bob, and I am a cow.

My grandfather was a knight, and his name was Sir Loin.

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.

I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"