My jokes

I’ll never forget my father’s last words...

Oh fuck, it’s a bus!

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

My sister said you smell, but then she saw her panties having moles on it.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

Think of your favorite singer. Now, go ask someone what is your favorite singer. My favorite singer is Halsey, BTS. Now think about your least fave, mine is Oil London 😵. This is my home now.

1. What rhymes with "oil"? Put it in da chat. Bye weird people!

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.

Now she's having a breakfast.

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.

Whoever took my dildo,

I hope you're having a good time.

What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?

My clothes don't hang themselves...

What's long, white, and thick? My dick.

Uranus has a lot of poop. Yeah. That is my joke.

Whoever took my anti-depressant pills,

I hope you're fucking happy.

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"