My jokes

I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.

When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.

Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?

But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions.

Onions was a good dog.

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"

Mom: "No you can't..."

Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"

lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.

What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?

They're both pointless.

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.

Gumball: What's that? Is it a twig?

Banana Joe: No.

Darwin: Is it a leaf?

Banana Joe: No.

Gumball: What is it then?

Banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

4. You just tried number three.

5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

7. You skipped number 5.

8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.

My penis is longer than one inch.

I like my COVID like I like my women: 19 and easy to spread.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.