My jokes

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

Hello people, my name is Osama.

I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.

Alex, you will never believe this!!!!!!!!!! Please respond as quick as possible! To my love, Alex!

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."