My jokes

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh, honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" The sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

Elmo in 2022 is called "Tickle My Balls Elmo."

I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good. He died during 9/11.

My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

My April Fool's joke is going to an orphanage and telling them their parents came back.

My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.

My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!

One more 360 noscope for my montage.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

If R. Kelly was a therapist:

14 year old: I hate my life.

R. Kelly: I feel you.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”