My jokes
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
1 like = 1 kid in my oven. I'm trying to get followers and comments, please.
Daddy, where's my anus?
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
I'm gonna cut my life off.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.
+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.