Music jokes
How did Michael Jackson get away with it?
He's a smooth criminal.
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?
"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
How do you get the emo girl out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get his fillings checked.
Le fish de la toilette.
[Plays french music]
What do you call an emo with knife cuts on their wrist?
A barcode.
What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?
“My Mommy Comes Back”
Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang on trees.
Question: What's brown and sitting on the piano bench?
Answer: Beethoven's last movement.
As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:
Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.
Devil: Did she just twitch?
Angel: No. She didn’t twitch.
Devil: I think I saw her finger twitch.
Angel: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at.
Devil: She wants to scratch her face.
Angel: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.
Devil: But her cheek has an itchy spot.
Angel: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.
Devil: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...
Angel: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile...
Devil: How about a song?
Angel: Good idea!
Devil: How about... “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down....”🎶
Angel: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows!
Devil: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....
Angel: Don’t be so mean!
Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”
Angel: Stop it!
Devil: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!
Angel: No, she didn’t.
Devil: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....
Angel: She didn’t screw anything up!
Devil: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!
Angel: That’s not how it works...
Devil: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation.
Angel: They know what they are doing!
Devil: ...And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.
Angel: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this...
Devil: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.
Angel: Stop this right now!!
Devil: “Never going to give you up....🎶”
Angel: Stop!
Devil: “...never going let you down....🎶”
Angel: I’m not going to let you...
Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”
Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?
Tammi: ...Oh, I’m fine.....
What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?
A: Garry Glitter's boots.
How does a rapper make a burrito?
With WRAPPING paper, DUUUHHHHHH!
It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.