Music jokes
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
Why is Michael Jackson so weak?
Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.
They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.
Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.
I got a chicken drum stick for lunch, thought I might drum up an appetite!
My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.
After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."
What do you call a priest who became a singer?
Michael Jackson.
What did the trumpet say to Trump?
"Hi, fellow trumpet!"
I tried to catch yodeling, but he evolved to yodingalig.
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
Justin Bieber
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.
What's the artist imagine something?
Imagine Dragons!
Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!