Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
What’s the difference between an onion and a viola?
No one cries when they cut up the viola.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
What is the New York fireman's favorite song?
It's raining men.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
Why do Imagine Dragons dream about mythical creatures?
Because they're believers.
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
Dear Slim Shady,
balls.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
Interviewer: Hey JFK, what’s your favorite song by Jessie J?
JFK: I er ah Bang Bang.
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
Why can’t the emo play in trees? They’ll leave ‘em hanging.
Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
I am Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are HeHee.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
The first thing the emo did at the party is to pin the gun to their head.
