Mum

Mum Jokes

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not) and Michael Jackson's song Billie Jean sounds like my name and so my mom says, as the song is playing, (my name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum. Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

2 mums hook up! Their daughter comes in the room and says which ones the baby daddy? the "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!

Daughter: So, I got my period. Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying! Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying? Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to the another day. Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically) Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless. Obviously.)

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?". She replied, "Two or three". Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

Your mum is so fat when she reached for the remote and when she found it it was crushed

kid: aye mum imma do somthing dad could never do mum: and that is? *kid walks out* *kid comes back in with milk* mum:imma beat ya ass

My mom told me that She and the owner of Chinese made a deal. Now we l get free Chinese food. So .I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food then my mom said I love him long time.

What do u call a zoo with no dogs A shitzoo๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚