Mother jokes
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
What did the racist CoD player say to yo mama?
132.513.531.332
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
Yo Mama so fat, she could fit you in her stomach.
Yo mama is so black that she has her own solar system.
What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.
Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
The pie tasted weird today.
Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."