We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother. Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
orphans have 263 days on a calendar because they dont have mothers or fathers day.
Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
why do orphans only have 354 days?
cause they are missing mothers and fathers day
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
The pie tasted weird today.
Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?
Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.
Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?
Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.
Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.
