Mother jokes
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
What did the racist CoD player say to yo mama?
132.513.531.332
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
The pie tasted weird today.
Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.
Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.
Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.