Mother Jokes

I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

"Mom, are you still awake?”

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom. He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store". But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19 yr old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?". Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing." Johnny says, "Oh." "But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath. The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car," said the little boy. The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl. A few seconds later the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?" "Sure," said the little boy. The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said. "Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that's why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." . Says that little boy: "But mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!"

a boy walks in on his parents having sex."What are you doing to my mother?!",the boy screams at his father,and runs out of the room.soon,the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room.They both go running.They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything."What are you doing to my mother?!",the father screams."It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?",says the boy

Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide reciever!

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish." Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

my grand mother made her passage on the titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself. It's really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked. "Daddy why are you banned from coming to elementary school?", The dad calmly replies. "Because that's how I met your mother.".

if Germany is the father land and Russia is the mother land would WII just be domestic violence

You're so ugly that when you were born your mother asked "how does my little treasure look", and the doctor replied, I think we should bury it immediately.

Hey mom I'm back from the circus parade, it was amazing! first came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, And then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion, oh and what came after her? Asked the mother, Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee said the boy.

My son said that bully needs a pounding then i say Yeah right that is what i said and did to your mother.My son opens his mouth and freezes i guess he knew what i was talking about.

A happy mother : " Why is your sister so quiet!?!, AND HOW DID YOU GET SUPER GLUE STUCK ON YOUR PENIS!?!"

Old.mother riley, had a fat cow.. she milked it and milked it but didnt know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits.. old mother riley was covered in sh!t💩

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”.

The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair”.

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news”. The doctor replies, “He’s dead”.

2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."