Mother jokes

Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.

"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.

A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:

"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"

Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"

Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."

Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."

Yo mama so fat...

...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.

What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"