Mother jokes
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mother!
Mother who?
It's your mother.
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Yo mama is so nasty that she sucked your dad's dick and came in to kiss you goodnight.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?
Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.
Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?
Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.
Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.
Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!