Mortality jokes
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
Someone dies.
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?
They never get old.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."
This joke never gets old. Just like the child.
Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
Stranger: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Stranger: Not your parents.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
I'd tell you a Kobe joke.
But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.
Man dies.
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive? She’s dead.