Mortality jokes
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when kids get it.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
Someone dies.
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?
They never get old.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."
This joke never gets old. Just like the child.
Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
Stranger: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Stranger: Not your parents.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
I'd tell you a Kobe joke.
But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.
Man dies.
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.