Morbid jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

I’m not racist. I just have black guns.

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are through the roof!

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.

What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?

Splattered.

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.

Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.

"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"

"Cancer."

One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?

A bullet.

Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.

You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.

The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.