What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
Morbid Jokes
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
I’m not racist. I just have black guns.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?
A bullet.
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
