Morbid jokes
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.