I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said “ Let me break it down for you like the twin towers.”
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What do Children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings! Not funny, here’s another Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman. Oh just me... OK
Whats the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
my brother wanted to go fishing i told him he had to learn how to master bait go look it up on youtube guess who is grounded
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
a little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks " whats that" the little boy says that's my little red race car. 10 minutes later the boy looks down and ask's whats that,the little girl says "that's my little red race car garage. so later that night the boy ask's the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage, She say yes and they pull down there pants and the boy try's putting his little red race car in her garage but it won't fit down stairs the mother hears an ear piercing scream and runs up stairs flips on the lights and see's blood on the floor the mother ask's "what happened the little girl say's "we tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit so i cut the back wheels off"
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE
How do you create the worlds quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gaschamber.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.
what do you call a stalker stalking himself a narcissist
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My Relatives Always Teased Me During Weddings saying " You'll Be Next " But they Stopped when I did the same to them during Funerals
My mom said she will slam me head into my computer of I don't get of it, I'm not to worried though, I think she is just jhehus,d.kes,jdhcuya71,hshh.jdh
