Morbid jokes

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.

Why did Hitler kill himself?

His gas bill was too high.

What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?

Ashtraynauts.

What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?

"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."

Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?

A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

What was Hitler's lucky number?

Nein.

What's the worst thing to star in?

An amber alert.

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

If at first you don't succeed, cheat.

You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?

They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are through the roof!

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"