A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
Morbid Jokes
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
Me, myself, and I.
qestrrrr.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
My life.
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
"I put the tin foil in the microwave, ma!"
Tell me orphan jokes are a really bad joke. People are really orphans, and there is a lot of 'em, and they are all depressed. Who would make fun of depressed people? Well, those dumbass evil people!!
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
Donald Trump.
I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
