Morbid jokes
If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.
No, seriously,
I'm right behind ya.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
I might have to back down on this because it is usually aimed for little children.
What do you get when you cross a Cuban and corrupt dictator, Fidel Castro?
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
A chopper full of white people is also called a helicopter.
A chopper full of black people is called a hellacopter.
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
How can you tell if your sister is on her period?
Your father's dick tastes funny.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
Wanna hear a clean one?
Old man takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty one?
Bubbles is the 14 year old next door.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What did one orphan say to the other?
"GET IN THE BATMOBILE, ROBIN!"
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.