Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Snack

If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.

Direction

I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...

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  • Book

    Salman Rushdie got a new book out.

    It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."

    Baby

    When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."

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  • Dish

    My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.

    Eye

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

    Nothing you haven't told her twice already.

    Suicide

    This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

    The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

    Death

    What do fire and people have in common?

    They will both eventually die out.

    iPhone

    My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

    Brother

    My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.

    At least now I can have his phone he left.

    Shooting

    Mother got shot, damn.

    Father got shot, damn.

    Sister got shot, damn.

    Brother got shot, damn.

    Auntie running away with a shotgun!

    Penis

    Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.

    Cancer

    What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

    Cancer.

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  • Cannibal

    Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.

    Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

    Internet

    Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.