Morbid jokes
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
Joker: Knock knock...
Batman: Who's there?
Joker: Not your parents!
Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Ali-A
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Q: What did one snake say to the other?
A: Nothing because they are both dead.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"