Morbid jokes
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice already.
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.
Joker: Knock knock...
Batman: Who's there?
Joker: Not your parents!
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Ali-A
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.