Morbid jokes
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it is seafood.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Rock, paper, lesbians.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Dark jokes are just like water.
Not everybody gets it.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.