Morbid jokes
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"
Csgo is just practice for when you want to one tap some 3rd graders
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
Why did everyone run from the Mexican when he went to the snack bar?
He said "¡Hola snack bar!" ¡Hola means hello in Spanish.