Morbid jokes
Religion... That is all.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it is still printing.
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
I moved so much stone today.
I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it is seafood.
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”
123 bipity bopity 321. Women are property.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.