Morbid jokes
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it is seafood.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Rock, paper, lesbians.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
Dark jokes are just like water.
Not everybody gets it.
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!