Morbid jokes
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it is seafood.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Rock, paper, lesbians.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Dark jokes are just like water.
Not everybody gets it.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!