Morbid Jokes

What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass? A baby in the microwave

I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested”. The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?”. The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish”.

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone. Then, the birthday boy said "Hey, he's like my dad." "Really" asked a little girl? "I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because it's extinct.

Me and my brother where called the twin towers, my brother lived up to his title after the plane crash

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why? -You have to be alive to have autism.

What is red and cries and spins around and around? - A baby in a microwave.

Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam? Doctor: Yep. Male Patient: Ok im ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger. Doctor: Yep, and im not even a doctor.

What do you call an aneorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese

Why Cant Dinosaurs Clap? Cause They are Dead

Why did Sally fall off the swings? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally!

Rock paper lesbians.

What did one orphan say to the other?

GET IN THE BATMOBILE ROBIN!!!!!

what do you call a hospital that's flooded vegetable soup

Here are a few:

While I was out shopping i tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me, for fun I said "Sorry! It's been awhile since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs. . . I hope!

Son: Dad why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided try to find the treasure. After several hours they found the treasure, it was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friend wear the suit and hugs the other friend. They were both red.