Morbid jokes
You know why orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their parents.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife? “Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.
Why did the man say, "I'm stuck?" Because he was...
Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Why is America so good at Rubik's cubes?
They have a history of sorting colours.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.