Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
Morbid Jokes
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
123 bipity bopity 321. Women are property.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!πππππ
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...π
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
