I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
9/11 is the biggest game of Jenga... ;)
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there!" Not Suzy.
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o clock on new years. First kill of the match
what did the girl with no hands get for her birthday....we don't know she hasn't opened it yet
What is the difference between a rock and my gf. One is rock hard and the other is Dwayne Johnson
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian says f*** no you won’t return it
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
Whats the difference between an ISIS militant base and a pakistani childrens school?
I dont know, i just fly the drone.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but there will always be something that offends feminists.
What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandmas p*ssy and d sucking them out?
Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13
who’s more exited then a kid on his birthday?
jimmy savile in a primary school playground.
What is a paedophiles favorite thing about halloween?
Free delivery XD
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
whats the difference between paul walker and a computer? i give a fuck if my computer crashes
I screamed janga today when watching the 9/11 documentary
A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"
Jack and jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy Jack got a surprise and blood shot eyes because jill gave him a roofie
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags „We have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!“. Trump goes on „Six weeks? That’s nothing. I have the best submarines, they‘re underwater für at least three months!“. Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - „Heil Hitler! We need Diesel.“
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well I have! I was wrongfully accused of larsiny yesterday, im not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.m
