Morbid jokes
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
If you need help, you will need trash, 'cause you the trash.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
Why do orphans play GTA? Cause they wanna feel wanted.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.