Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Disease

Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Patient: Good news!

Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.

Apple

An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.

Mama

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

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  • Funeral

    So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

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  • Emo

    What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

    Suicide squad.

    Orphan

    Why don't orphans play baseball?

    Because they don't know where home is.

    Orphan

    What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?

    "I'm gonna make like my parents and run."

    Volcano

    What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

    They both erupt when triggered.

    Rose

    Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!

    Pledge

    I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."

    I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"

    Dad

    I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

    Difference

    What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.

    Period

    How do you know that your sister is on her period?

    Your dad's dick tastes weird.

    Girl Scout

    What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?

    ...A girl scout that got hit by a car.

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  • Jap

    What did the little boy say to the fat man?

    How many Japs did you get?

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  • Baby

    What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?

    A baby with flat armbands!

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  • High-five

    Why didn't Logan Paul high five the Asian man? Because he loves to leave Asians hanging.