Morbid jokes
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.
I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
I’m probably the episode 9 since I make people cry.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.
Trump said schools are not petting zoos.
Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.
What do you call a Terrorist in a wheel chair?
RCXD in bound