Morbid jokes

Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!

Crucifixion was the first T-pose.

Why couldn’t the orphan find home?

Didn’t have eyes.

Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?

The child has no trouble shooting.

When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.