Morbid jokes

Crucifixion was the first T-pose.

Why couldn’t the orphan find home?

Didn’t have eyes.

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?

The child has no trouble shooting.

When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?

America's funniest home videos.

Why did Billy fall off his bike?

Because his dad threw a chair at him.

Why do trees never call emo kids?

The emos always hang up on them.

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.

I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"

Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.

Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”