Morbid Jokes

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?

The child has no trouble shooting.

What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?

America's funniest home videos.

Why did Billy fall off his bike?

Because his dad threw a chair at him.

Why do trees never call emo kids?

The emos always hang up on them.

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.

I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"

Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.

Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”

What’s the difference between a zit and a catholic priest?

A zit waits till you’re 13 to come on your face

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."