I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day, I love being a hitman
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
When rejected: That's ok the 3 other little pigs said no too.
Slavery and disciplinen it's kind of the same thing you get whipped for doing the wrong thing
Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen......to clean the rest of the house
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder
Why couldn’t the orphan find home ?
Didn’t have eyes.
My Great Grandfather died in 9/11
He was an Amazing Pilot
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
Why do Midgets work at Tesco because every little helps
who killed hitler goes to heaven. *looks up* oh,never mind.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
how do you know youre following a dolorean? the white line disappears
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar- just kidding.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever? A: Hiroshima Japan 1946
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
How do you keep a mute women you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
