Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.