Morbid jokes
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
Dark jokes are just like water.
Not everybody gets it.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?
You fix both with a coat hanger.
Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?
The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.
What is the difference between Joe Biden and a knife?
A knife has a point.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!
Man: Hey kids, who wants milk?
Kids: Me!
Man: *unzips fly*