Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

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I like my women like I like my microwaves.

Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.

What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

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    • What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?

    You fix both with a coat hanger.

    Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?

    The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.

    My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.

    My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.

    Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?

    Because women don't have rights.

    One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!

    Hi, I have a question for you.

    Did you know that reading this is wasting your time?

    Yeah, sorry xD

    The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.

    Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.

    The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.

    Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.

    The person I hate: Rood.

    Me: Shut up.

    What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?

    Dead chicken and dead cow.

    Sy’kyira (😌): I can’t wait for the therapist to come.

    Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

    Sy’kyira (😅): SAME!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

    Daina (😌): I know, right?

    My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭

    Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!

    My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄

    Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.

    Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."