Morbid jokes

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

Shut the f*ck up.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

What’s an emo's favorite singer?

Slash.

Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.

What do you call women's rights: A blank sheet of paper.

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

Latias is red.

Latios is blue.

You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"

How does Jesus whistle?

By blowing through the holes in his hands.

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.