Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

Latias is red.

Latios is blue.

You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.