Morbid jokes
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
My life.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.