Morbid jokes
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What do you call a midget with autism?
A weetard.
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
Eat my butt.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
My friends.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
I sucked a dick.