Morbid jokes
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
Eat my butt.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
My friends.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
I sucked a dick.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
Why did the robot cross the road?
Because he was programmed by the chicken!
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
Have you ever been eight before?
You were between 7 and 9.