Morbid jokes
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
Ur mom gei.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......
Human: :D
Sun: I want to BuRn you.........
Human: .......
Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....
Human: I should be going now.
Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!
Human: *Screams his last sound*
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...