Morbid jokes
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
I went to Pen Island for vacation this summer. There were a lot of bones.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
Two baby seals walk into a club.
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.