Morbid jokes
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."
Guess what? Chicken butt.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Anal.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."