Morbid jokes
Why couldn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!
Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Joe Mama!
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
What happens when you put a baby in a blender?
The baby is a cherry smoothie.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?
They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.
In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.