Morbid Jokes

What's black and white?

History.

You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

Hitler walked so Kim can run.

Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."