Morbid jokes
joko
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: You can't find your dog.
Screw anima!
Oh wait, that's called hentai.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
How do you get 100 dead babies into a tub? Put them in the blender.
How do you get them out of the tub? Give mexicans tortilla chips and tell them theres salsa in the tub.
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."